Ode to a Gentleman

You will open our car door
But lie to our face,
You admire our ambition
But call “false start” in our race,
You will compliment our blouse
But say nothing of our work,
You’ll applaud our career
But expect a clean house,
You tell us we’re pretty
But for our age,
You champion our audition
But won’t share the stage,
You adore our softness
But then say we’re too weak,
You pull out our chair
But then won’t let us speak,
You question our choices
But have done all the same,
You know our title
But don’t know our name,
“I prefer natural women”
But “don’t let yourself go,”
“We’re o.k. with your feelings”
But “don’t let them show,”
You encourage our passions
But dismiss our fears,
You take the lift up a mountain
We’ve climbed barefoot for years,
“Penny for your thoughts”
But steamroll our agenda,
Three quarters to your dollar
But we’re not wise spenders,
You say dress to impress
But keep ourselves modest,
Be coy and coquettish
But forthright and honest,
You applaud our efforts
But question our worth,
We should practice self-care
But “bounce back” from childbirth,
Make our voices be heard
But don’t ever yell,
It’s unbecoming for a woman
To kiss and to tell,
Your hobbies are a right
while our safety is a privilege,
We’re to have all your babies
But where is our village?
Be strong but not big,
be smart but play dumb.
You’ll kiss our hand
But keep us under your thumb.
“Don’t be a spinster”
But “don’t stay out late.”
If we must work after hours,
Then keep a quick gait
And have our keys handy,
because men lie in wait
To rob us and hurt us
and ruin our life.
But we should find a good man
And become his good wife.
There is no greater threat
to women than men.
Not sharks in the ocean,
nor bears in the woods
Have hurt us as much
as your coulds and your shoulds.
See, this is the wisdom
we’re taught our first minute:
that a gentleman will offer a light,
But will burn the entire house down
with us in it.